That Damn Mirror…
The mirror can really fuck with your head when you’re trying to lose weight. Depending on which one you’re looking at, you either think you look like Beyoncé or the Michelin Man.
Unfortunately, the wide dance studio mirror at my gym makes me look like the latter.
I was doing a hip-hop dance cardio class and tried everything I could to avoid looking at myself in the mirror. Every time I’d catch a glimpse it was painfully apparent how much bigger I was than everyone else in the class. Part of me wanted to run out in the middle of it and have myself a good cry. I didn’t… but I wanted to.
It really psyched me out. A class that I would normally enjoy based on the activity was ruined for me because I had to look at myself. I got home and hoped that one day, I could go into that class and feel comfortable. I just don’t think that will be any time soon.
On the other side of the coin, I went to my first ever spinning class. The room was dimly lit, no mirrors to be found. There was a young woman next to me who admittedly didn’t even know how to ride a bike, but she huffed and puffed her way through it.
I surprised myself by not giving in once despite it being one of the instructor’s more difficult rides. And I felt AMAZING afterward. Had there been a mirror in front of me so I could see myself, I don’t think my reaction to the ride would have been the same.
I’m not sure what the solution is to this, but I have to push through it. If I keep up with my goal of working out four times per week, it’ll only be a few more weeks until I see some real results. Until then, I’m trying to remedy the problem by buying more loose-fitting workout clothes to not get so distracted by the thick thighs and jello arms!
Take It “To Go”
I’ve been turning my food logs in to my trainer and she told me… I need to eat more.
WHAT?
Not necessarily more calories. Just more times in the day. Three times a day is evidently not enough. I should be splitting my meals up into 5, 300 calorie sittings, not eating more than 500 calories in a meal. This keeps your metabolism raised throughout the day instead of rising and dropping.
Yes, I’m aware that there are other nutrition facts to consider other than calories. I know I need to look at carbs, fat, sodium all that good stuff, but calories is a standard number so we’ll go with that.
I went on to tell her of my dilemma of eating out. The portions are too ridiculously large and I don’t want my friends to give me a hard time about not eating enough.
She let me in on a trick. “As soon as you’re done eating half your meal, ask for a box. Don’t wait. Get the box and pack it up; that way you won’t be picking at it while you’re waiting for all your friends to finish.”
Genius. I will be making the to-go box my new best friend. Even if I’m going somewhere after dinner, surely there will be someone on the street that would benefit from my half a meal than just throwing it in the garbage. Or I’ll just consistently go out to eat with my friend Joe who eats everything that everyone doesn’t.
While it seemed like an obvious thing to do, things like eating five meals a day and eating half your meal don’t seem as obvious until you have a record of all your food intake in front of your face laid out in front of you and you can see day-to-day choices that can be improved by cutting back or spreading meals out.
Eating five meals has been really helpful. I always thought that feeling hungry on a diet was just part of the struggle, but it doesn’t have to be. Since I’ve been eating 5 smaller meals, I’ve been eating less food, never stay hungry. It’s kind of funny how that works. It makes all the difference. You can still eat all the yummy food you want for the most part, just space it out so that your metabolism can handle it better.
Weekend Guilt
I started logging my food intake recently and it makes you painfully aware of how much you regularly consume.
It’s gross y’all.
A friend of mine was visiting from out of town and we had an early dinner. I didn’t want to tell him I’m logging my food because it becomes this whole thing where he’ll tell me I don’t need to do so and to enjoy a meal with him. So I tried to eat as little as I could without it being obvious that I was withholding myself and purposely eating healthy. I did all right by that, but I knew this was going to get harder and harder as I continue this process. Maybe I should suck it up and start letting people know I’m dieting and hope for their support?
Yesterday I went out, had a typical night with friends. I had a couple cocktails and some late night pizza. I only ate a couple slices, stopping myself while realizing I would have to log this and wouldn’t want to add up the numbers later.
I could have eaten so much more, (Damn you, Piece Pizzeria!) but when I calculated it out, just the pizza alone was 530 calories.
That means that when I go to town on a Papa John’s pizza I’m easily consuming 1000+ calories. That is insane and should be illegal somehow.
To top it all off, I didn’t work out this weekend when I had every intention to do so.
Can’t we just skip to the part where I’m skinny and hot again?
The “Before” Picture
I started a weight-loss challenge with my personal trainer and the rest of her clients. 10 dollar buy-in. Measurements and weight check every week and a food log. Then at the end of our session she asked me to send her a “before” picture.
Fuck.
I had avoided keeping a full length mirror in my apartment because this just wasn’t something I wanted to face. I did not want to see what 150 pounds looked like on me. I avoided it for days, but I finally took it and all the hate ensued.
How did I let myself get this way? I used to be a dainty 120-lb girl. I’m 5’2″ and there’s not much room for an extra 5 lbs on me let alone an extra 30. I worked too much these past two years. I didn’t make time for myself. I didn’t make time for my health, and I let myself turn into this godzilla monster. I’ve never weighed this much before. I’ve never had to lose this much weight. How the hell am I going to do this? I have no discipline whatsoever.
After berating myself for about an hour, I realized I needed to fucking relax and figure out a plan. One thing at a time.
OK, how do I achieve long-term goals at work?
Stay laser-focused. Break work up into bearable parts. Become obsessed. Find and utilize every resource that I can.
This is doable.
If it was possible to go from this:
to this:
Then I firmly believe there’s a possibility to reverse the damage.
So, let’s do this.
Why Don't My Pants Fit? 