The mirror can really fuck with your head when you’re trying to lose weight. Depending on which one you’re looking at, you either think you look like Beyoncé or the Michelin Man.

Unfortunately, the wide dance studio mirror at my gym makes me look like the latter.

I was doing a hip-hop dance cardio class and tried everything I could to avoid looking at myself in the mirror. Every time I’d catch a glimpse it was painfully apparent how much bigger I was than everyone else in the class. Part of me wanted to run out in the middle of it and have myself a good cry. I didn’t… but I wanted to.

It really psyched me out. A class that I would normally enjoy based on the activity was ruined for me because I had to look at myself. I got home and hoped that one day, I could go into that class and feel comfortable. I just don’t think that will be any time soon.

On the other side of the coin, I went to my first ever spinning class. The room was dimly lit, no mirrors to be found. There was a young woman next to me who admittedly didn’t even know how to ride a bike, but she huffed and puffed her way through it.

I surprised myself by not giving in once despite it being one of the instructor’s more difficult rides. And I felt AMAZING afterward. Had there been a mirror in front of me so I could see myself, I don’t think my reaction to the ride would have been the same.

I’m not sure what the solution is to this, but I have to push through it. If I keep up with my goal of working out four times per week, it’ll only be a few more weeks until I see some real results. Until then, I’m trying to remedy the problem by buying more loose-fitting workout clothes to not get so distracted by the thick thighs and jello arms!